Losing a beloved pet is an incredibly painful and deeply emotional experience. With their shorter lifespans, it’s an inevitable heartbreak that touches the lives of many pet owners at some point, leaving a significant void that is difficult to fill.
Therapist Susan Anschuetz, LMFT, who is also the co-founder of the Denver-based nonprofit Human Animal Bond Trust, has been dedicated to helping people cope with this unique loss. For over 30 years, she has been leading free, weekly pet loss support groups, providing a safe and compassionate space for healing.
“Hardly a week goes by without someone saying, ‘I was close to my family. When my parents died, it was terrible. But I’ve never felt a loss like this,’” she shared, highlighting how profound the bond between humans and their pets can be.
Typically, participants bring cherished photos of their pets and meet in person to share their heartfelt stories and experiences. However, due to the pandemic, these sessions have shifted online, ensuring participants can still find connection and comfort. Anschuetz explained that many attendees discover solace in realizing that their grief is normal and valid, and they are not alone in their pain, even when it feels overwhelming.
Why Pet Loss Hurts
“One of the reasons losing a pet feels so profound is because their love is completely unconditional and accepting,” Anschuetz said. This depth of connection is often unmatched, but the grief runs even deeper because losing a pet impacts nearly every aspect of a person’s life. “Every single part of your daily routine is tied to them,” she explained. “Your pet is there 24/7—they’re at your side during life’s smallest and most significant moments alike. When you’re their caretaker, the intensity of the bond grows even stronger, especially in those final days. It can feel as though your entire world has been turned upside down, leaving a void that is difficult to comprehend.”
Pets also accompany us through major life transitions, such as divorce, illness, or starting a new job or school, providing unwavering support during times of upheaval. Because of this, the loss of a pet can feel like losing a steady source of love and emotional security, making the grief even harder to navigate and process.
Ways to Cope With Grief
Grieving the loss of a pet is often what experts refer to as “disenfranchised grief,” largely because society tends to minimize or overlook its significance. Comments like, “It’s just a dog” or “When will you get another cat?” can feel dismissive, invalidating, and isolating. “Many people who attend the support group describe having a once-in-a-lifetime bond with their pet,” Anschuetz said. “They don’t want to hear about getting a new pet—and they shouldn’t feel pressured to make that decision until they’re truly ready for it.”
Finding meaningful ways to honor and memorialize your pet can bring comfort and aid the healing process. For instance, some people scatter their pet’s ashes on a favorite hiking trail, bury them in a special spot, or even host a small service to celebrate their pet’s life and the joy they brought to others.
Other thoughtful ways to commemorate your pet include:
- Creating a photo album or framing a favorite picture of your pet to keep their memory alive
- Planting a memorial tree or garden in their honor to establish something lasting
- Donating to an animal charity in their name as a way to give back
- Seeking support through pet loss groups or online communities, such as those offered by the nonprofit Association for Pet Loss and Bereavement. Your veterinarian may also have information about local resources that can help.
The Added Weight of Euthanasia
In support groups, many participants open up about the emotional challenges of deciding to euthanize a pet. Feelings of guilt are incredibly common, particularly as people wrestle with questions such as whether they made the decision too soon or waited too long. “It’s an incredibly heavy responsibility, but it can also be a profound gift to the animal,” Anschuetz said, acknowledging how deeply personal the decision is.
In contrast, some people feel a sense of guilt for experiencing moments of relief after the passing of a pet they had cared for during a prolonged illness. Others may grapple with feelings of conflict when they find brief moments of happiness amid their grief, unsure of whether it’s okay to move forward.
Anschuetz, who has herself experienced the loss of many cherished pets, emphasizes that it’s okay not to grieve constantly. “Grief is so unpredictable,” she said. “Allow yourself to enjoy moments of relief when they come, but also make time to process your grief each day, for as long as you need to. Don’t feel like you have to escape from it or rush through the process.”
Above all, remember that there is no “right” way to grieve the loss of a pet. Anschuetz’s ultimate goal is to help people move through their grief in a way that allows them to grow emotionally, rather than retreat from love for fear of future loss. “We’re all in this together,” she said. “This process can help you expand your capacity to love, despite the pain that comes with it.”
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